A Book I Love

I can't be really specific about the types of books I like, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I love to read mystery, detective novels, thrillers, sci-fi or just plain simple over the coffee reads.

One book I recently read which touched my heart was LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT by PREETI SHENOY

I remember picking up this book from crosswords stall at Junction Mall in Durgapur while returning to college after Holi with my dad. I was in a mood for some light reading and I wasn't sure what to take when I saw this one. I took this book as I liked the title and the review on the back cover and thought this would be something I might like. Also I found the price affordable.

Needless to say, I wasn't dissapointed. As soon as I started reading it I was glued to the book until I finished it, even forgetting the fact that I had a lab viva the next morning for which I wasn't even prepared. *oops!*

Coming to the story in brief-

The book revolves around the life of a girl Ankita Sharma who is talented and is a much sort after girl in college. She is already committed to Vaibhav whom she sends letters talking about her daily life, emotions and experiences. Under the company of her friends, she gets into a relationship with abhi, at the same time continuing her love for Vaibhav. After completing her graduation, she gets into one of the top MBA colleges of the country, while abhi couldn't make it. This leads to a end of her relationship with abhi and then she meets Joseph.

Within six months, Ankita lands up in a mental hospital.

What happens to Ankita next? What about Vaibhav, Abhi, Joseph? The book revolves around the breath-taking mystery of these people's lives and Ankita's story!

Something I Feel Strongly About

I am a very melodramatic person, the queen of over-reaction. So it’s natural for me to feel really strongly about everything around me, stronger than I am supposed to.

But since I am supposed to speak about just one topic so here it goes.

I feel strongly about giving attention and importance to a person. I seriously get turned off when I see someone speaking and the person who is supposed to listen doesn’t even care. Dude at least listen to what he/she has to say, then decide whether it’s important or not. You are not the almighty that you will be right always. Even a little word from your so called “INSIGNIFICANT’S” mouth can rule the world sometimes.

Then again let’s say the “INSIGNIFICANT” calls you up or text’s you, sometimes maybe due to some important reason. You don’t even have the basic courtesy to reply back? How busy or important are you? Sometimes I really feel smacking hard on your face for this rudeness of yours!

Just read this and think of how your actions and ignorance may affect the other person, specially when he/she gives you a teeny weeny bit importance in their lives....

5 Ways To Win My Heart

Hmm, really nice topic.... I have always wanted to write about this, but I really don't know how can someone win my heart. 

I just happens, have never noticed how.

But since I really have to make a list, so here it is.... *Deep breath!!*

1. Make me laugh

I don’t like showing off my inner emotions on my face. So you will always find me cheerful and smiling. If you really wanna win my heart make me laugh, I mean a real laugh, which comes from my inside :D

2. Give me attention

People generally consider me a kid. I really hate it when I am talking about something serious and no one listens to me (Actually people never listen to me :’()
So please listen to me when I talk. Even I can talk sense sometimes!

3. Don't hide from me

I hate it when people lie to me and then I find out. It seriously hurts man! Specially when it’s about something close.
Trust me, however big or bad your secret maybe, I do understand.

4. Be Yourself

I don’t like when people change for me. Change makes you miserable. 

Be yourself. If I like you I shall like you for what you are. 

Similarly don’t expect me to change for you.

5. Little treats

 The easiest way to make me happy and smiling is giving me little treats.  It maybe in the form of food, gifts or just simple talk to make me special.  A few jokes to make me smile or just something to make me seem important...

A tribute to Final Years

In a few days, NIT Durgapur will become a past for you. It will become what your school, your classmates has been - A memory.... NIT Durgapur will go down in a golden frame as perhaps the four best years of your life.

Still it seems like yesterday. Cracking AIEEE, celebrating with family, counselling, getting irritated that nobody understands the difference between NIT and NIIT, visiting school and teachers one last time before leaving for abode. Some memories still vivid and fresh in the mind, walking inside the Durgapur campus with parents, registration, counselling and the feeling of ecstacy of getting allotted COMPUTER SCIENCE AND ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT. Seems like yesterday- carrying your luggage and moving inside your hostel, in a room, stuffed with another 3-4 fellows. Didn’t know then that in a few days those fellows will grow from “JUST ROOMIES” to “BEST FRIENDS”. 

The homesickness of first semester, getting up early with tears in your eyes, wishing that you were still at home seems funny now. Making new friends, interacting with seniors, doing mischief, bunking class, late night, last hour studies, making cheats for exams, breakfast at jhoops, gathering at back canteen after classes, little treats at techno, Dinner at LH more, GPL’s during birthdays, mass bunks during Festivals, the ID crowd on Wednesday nights will become past after a few days.

All these were your life till today. From tomorrow, these will become memories you will look back and smile at.
These will become fantasies, you will always yearn to get back these four years and live this life all over again. Away from all worries, enjoying life to the fullest with envious resource at your disposal. These days will never come back, but you will always long for these days.

Friends go, friendship remains, only memory lasts forever... 

All the best seniors, wish you all the success in your life.

Finally I would like to conclude with a quote by one of our teachers, Bibhas Sen sir- 

“ These four years are the golden years of your life. Live them to the fullest, you will always cherish them later.”

Tujhe Sab Hai Pataa-Meri Maa

This entry is a part of the contest at BlogAdda.com in association with imlee.com

I owe my life to her. Whatever I am today, it's because of her. Had she not scolded me endless times before my exams, I would never have been a topper. Her faith made me believe in myself.I am being loved and respected because of all the "sanskar" she has inculcated in me and I am proud of myself....

“You know, you are just 17 now. What you feel is natural. Everyone at your age thinks that their parents know nothing, they are enemies, and they don’t love their kids. But a few years down the lane, you will realise how horribly wrong you were and how damn right they had been all this time... “

-A quote by my tutor when I was pissed off at my parents because they didn’t let me go on a school excursion with my friends.....

Dear Ma,

The first time I was walking away from you, I saw tears in your eyes. I thought- oh, give it a break! It was you pestering me all these years. You always said you wanted me away. You chose this. You wanted me to become an engineer, you wanted me to taste hostel life, and now, it’s you who gets to shed the tears. You still get to remain at home, I am the one whom you are sending away to an unknown land, unknown future!!

I didn’t realise then Ma, that one day I would yearn to get back to you. I didn’t realise that the next time I would have to walk away from you, I would be the one to shed tears. I would have to cover my mouth with my hand and bite my lips to stop them from trembling before you. I have become so egoistic and independent that I don’t want you to sense how sad I become just by the thought of parting away from you.

I was happy then Ma, I was excited to leave you; I was elated that I won’t have to live with you anymore. Even when you were setting up my room in my hostel, I stopped you. I felt like telling you- Seriously! Every time? Grow up, I am not a kid anymore, I can take care of myself. Just leave me alone and go, let me savour my independence.

After bidding you and Baba goodbye, I was so happy, I heaved a big sigh of relief. I danced around celebrating being away from you.

I remember Ma, how you used to tell me to oil my hair, to comb my hair regularly to stop it from falling, to take care of my skin and my health. I didn’t pay heed to you then. I wish I had listened to you. My hair falls so much when I comb it and my scalp hurts. My skin is dry and my feet are chapped. I look like a hideous ghost. I don’t feel like taking care of myself now ma. I am tired of cleaning up my room every day. I hate to wake up every morning and wash my clothes. I cry when I have to cook dinner for myself at the end of a long day because I didn’t get to eat as I was too busy. I can’t concentrate on my studies during exams because of all the daily unavoidable chores.

This independence now haunts me Ma....

Two years down the lane Ma, I have realised how wrong I was. I want to be with you, to be dependent on you. I want you to take care of me.

When you and baba used to force me to go to bed at exact 10 pm, I always cursed you. I felt like I was caged. I wasn’t able to enjoy. I had to sleep when other kids of my age were wide awake playing or doing other fun stuff. Ma, I hated you for forcefully feeding me even when I was not hungry. I held you and baba responsible for me being overweight. I had blamed you for all the bullies I went through because I was fat, I blamed you for not able to fit in a dress I liked at the mall.

I want to come back to you now Ma. Please send me to bed now. Scold me as much as you want. Ma, I don’t get to sleep even for four hours a day. The work pressure here doesn’t let me have a proper meal a day. The stuff they serve in the mess, Ma, that’s not food. It’s so unhygienic that it makes my stomach ache, and they serve the same gooey stuff everytime. I have become so thin that my friends ask whether I am dieting. I want to shout and tell them-

 “I AM NOT DIETING; I JUST DON’T GET TO EAT. ATLEAST THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU CALL FOOD”.

As a kid I had always thought that when I would grow up, when I would have a life of my own, when I wouldn’t have to depend on you any more, I would tell you how much I always wanted to break free from you, how much I cursed you for what my life had been. I always thought you were selfish.

Now I hate myself Ma, for all the wrong feelings that hovered in my brain. I am selfish, I am a coward. I depended on you, I let you take care of me and then I was the one who wanted to stab you. Now I feel like killing myself for thinking like that.

Ma, now I have realised you always wanted to protect me. I wish I had listened to you when you told me that the world is cruel. It has been so brutal and merciless to your daughter, It has broken her heart, made her cry, used her, exploited her like she is some useless filthy piece of cloth, blamed her incessantly, left her alone and weak.

Ma, I am tired now, I am weak. I can’t tolerate this suffering anymore. I am confused and I am sick. I want to run away from this life.

I know ma, it’s too late. I wish I could come back to you, hug you and cry. I wish I could be with you forever so that no one could dare to hurt me anymore.

I am sorry Ma, for whenever I thought you were wrong, for blaming you while you loved me all along. I am sorry Ma, for not being able to decipher the meaning of your tears when I was leaving home, for not realising your concern when I didn’t go to bed at ten, for not understanding why you were so worried to let your daughter get away from you.

Ma, I know that Even though I am far from you, even though I don’t tell you what’s happening in my life, I know that you know me very well, better than even myself.

Tujhe sab hai pata, meri maa....

P.S.-This is a letter, I dedicate to everyone in my family, My Ma, baba and Dada who made me what I am today, who stuck with me at all odds and evens, in my varied moods, even when people came and left. But if you ask me why I addressed this only to my Mom, I would reply with a line my Dad told me while dropping me to school-

“No matter how famous you become, how much you earn, wherever you are in this whole world, never forget your Ma, always take care of her, because no one else can take her place in your life, not even me”

Drained Out

I had a million plans, I knew what to do. I had the future all planned out. But what I didn't know that all those plans would change. Miss know-it-all didn't know it all...

I don’t know why I am feeling so drained out today. Drained out of my thoughts, drained out of my emotions, drained out even of my tiredness. I feel like I am just a puppet, without any soul in it. I don’t know why I am not getting excited today, I don’t know why I am not getting depressed. I don’t know why I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t know why I am not protesting to do any work.

As I was sitting in my open elective class today, I felt like the life was draining out from me. I wasn’t able to do anything. I wasn’t able to stop it. I just sat there in the first bench, staring at the professor, I didnot understand a thing, I just wrote what my ears heard. At one point I didn’t even notice that my pen had stopped working.

I don’t know why this restless girl inside me is so peaceful today. There is no smile on my face. There are no feelings in my heart. There are no thoughts in my mind. I am finding this post hard to write, I know that after I have finished writing it, it would all seem rubbish. I don’t know what to write yet I am writing it. I am not even having the same thoughts that I have every day. I don’t even care that I have a viva tomorrow and everyone else is studying, while I haven’t yet opened my book.

What has happened to me? Why have I changed so much? Why do I want to rush back to my mother’s arms which I had yearned to leave for whole eighteen years? I am independent now, but I do not love this independence.

I don’t know why....

My Little Fantasies.

Hey, this is for you, my dearest MR. Right (whom I haven't had the chance to meet yet). I have always fantasized about the future, about what you and I will do together. I know it's a bit crazy on my part but you can't control anyone's dreams and fantasies. And I don't think it is a big deal of a crime to dream of small things which might make us happy. And mind you, I am not imagining stuff which we can't do, like I will never tell you to get the moon or star for me. I am not that much insane ( I am a little though :P). But I can wish for small stuffs to do with you, for which I am saving myself :)

So here is the list which I want to do with you, some little you and me moments :)

Getting Wet in The Rain :)

I know after reading this anyone will say, this girl is completely mad. Let 'em say. But I know you will understand.

When ever it rains, I just sit in my room by the window side gazing outside. Even if my friends try and pull me, they can't get me out in the rain. I even remember that once after the hot summers, when the first drops of rain hit the ground, my mum told me to go out and have a shower, it would feel good.

But I am a little too adamant, and too much romanticist. For me getting wet in the rain is something I should do only when you are with me. I want you to watch me when the first drops of rain hit me, to hold me in your arms while I dance in the rain for the first time :)

Coffee tym :)

Yeah, that's an Italian cappuccino!!

I remember the first time I went to CCD on my friend's b'day treat. I took the menu card in my hand and voila! it was there on just the first page. I didn't know then that it was called an "Italian cappuccino". I just called it "the coffee with the heart on top :)"

They saw me grinning and asked me what was I smiling at. I said nothing, and asked them whether anyone of them has tried this before, a few of them said yes. They told me it was really good and I should give it a try.

I looked back at the card, smiled and told them-"not today, some other time :)"

I hope Mr. Right, you know now why I didn't have it then and what time I am waiting for....

I Love Hugs

I know I don't need to tell you this. I know that you know the perfect way to soothe me when I am depressed or angry. But still listen to my story...

Everyone knows I am a drama-queen, princess of over reaction. Little things can make me roll on the floor with laughter, or get me crying out loud or even make my face red with anger. By little things I mean things so meager that no other person would even react, but I told ya, I am different.

So dear, when I am depressed or angry, you don't have to try very hard, just give me a tight hug. You don't even need to say anything if you don't want to, but make me feel that you are always with me <3

Lonely Wanderers

I am a lover of solitude. By solitude I don't mean only me but just you and me :)

No matter how much I enjoy being with my friends or being with your friends, I would love to spend a lot of time only with you, doing stuff either of us or both of us like. Some little you and me moments.

We can go out on a long drive at night, somewhere calm and peaceful, maybe stop midway to appreciate the beauties of nature and come back in the morning. Or we can discuss what to do even later. I am just giving an example :)

Ahhh, finally done with this. I know this has been a long post and many of you won't read it. Those who will read it will find me insane. But I know there's one guy out there who will find this totally perfect and completely sane. The one who will acknowledge all my little fantasies.

I am waiting for that one guy and this post is for him :)