Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Drained Out

I had a million plans, I knew what to do. I had the future all planned out. But what I didn't know that all those plans would change. Miss know-it-all didn't know it all...

I don’t know why I am feeling so drained out today. Drained out of my thoughts, drained out of my emotions, drained out even of my tiredness. I feel like I am just a puppet, without any soul in it. I don’t know why I am not getting excited today, I don’t know why I am not getting depressed. I don’t know why I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t know why I am not protesting to do any work.

As I was sitting in my open elective class today, I felt like the life was draining out from me. I wasn’t able to do anything. I wasn’t able to stop it. I just sat there in the first bench, staring at the professor, I didnot understand a thing, I just wrote what my ears heard. At one point I didn’t even notice that my pen had stopped working.

I don’t know why this restless girl inside me is so peaceful today. There is no smile on my face. There are no feelings in my heart. There are no thoughts in my mind. I am finding this post hard to write, I know that after I have finished writing it, it would all seem rubbish. I don’t know what to write yet I am writing it. I am not even having the same thoughts that I have every day. I don’t even care that I have a viva tomorrow and everyone else is studying, while I haven’t yet opened my book.

What has happened to me? Why have I changed so much? Why do I want to rush back to my mother’s arms which I had yearned to leave for whole eighteen years? I am independent now, but I do not love this independence.

I don’t know why....

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