Emptiness

I don’t know why I do this to myself....

Why don’t I feel the same way for someone else as I feel for you?

Why does my heart feel empty without you yet I can’t let anyone else fill it for me?

Why do I do the things that reminds me of you when all I should be doing is forgetting you and moving on?

It takes a lot of pain and courage to stop myself from talking to you, to stop myself from calling you up, to make me turn my face around when I see you.

It’s really painful to know that what I want is wrong, that it will hurt me, break me down to pieces, destroy me completely yet I want it so desperately, I don’t want to let go, I want to fight till my last breath. All these just because of the momentary happiness I get from being with you.

They tell me to move on, to get over you, to forget you. You who recently occupied a large portion of my life. But I can’t. Only because of the heat of the moment, the voice that still rings in my ears, the words still clearly etched in my mind, that smile that made my day, that touch that sent me flying into the sky. I didn’t see that the sky was dark, that it would pour heavily,  it would take all down with it and wash it all away  leaving an emptiness lurking it’s way  inside my heart.

 I knew it was going to fall apart some day, yet I desperately tried holding on to it, hoping that maybe it’s all a bad dream, that it will pass.

I don’t know why I am doing this to myself....

Maybe because sometimes I like the pain, the pain from remembering you. It has taken the place in my heart which was left by you. You left, leaving the pain with me, which doesn’t let me forget you.

I have got used to the emptiness. I have fallen in love with the pain.....

P.S- This post was written long ago, just made up my mind today to post it :)

I am not so perfect

I am a drama-queen, princess of over-reaction.

I am really passionate about the work I like to do, I can even go days without sleep. For the works I don’t like, I am always sleeping.

I like being alone, sitting in my room in solitude doing some reading or writing, rather than going out with people and making a lot of commotion, but when I am out, I enjoy the most.

No matter, whether I am happy, sad, and angry or depressed, you will always find me smiling and laughing, only the very close ones get to know what’s on my mind.

I don’t learn from heart-breaks, I just hope, the next time it would be better

I like listening to Westlife wishing that life could be as romantic as they say

I don’t like getting wet in the rain because I am waiting for the guy who will hold my hands while I dance in the rain.

If I am angry on you, it goes away just the moment I tell you how angry I was and why.

Whenever I see babies, I wish I was married and had a kid of my own with whom I can play all day without any objection without anybody else

Yes, I do fantasize about how my future can be, mixed with perfections and imperfections. None of them has happened yet, yet that doesn’t stop me from dreaming.

I am very restless, when I start a work; I wish it will be perfect at the first shot

I sometimes make illogical statements because I am too lazy to modify what’s in my head before speaking.

I don’t mind being imperfect. As a matter of fact I don’t even want my soul-mate to be perfect.

I am proud of being who I am.....