I don’t know why I do this to
myself....
Why don’t I feel the same way for
someone else as I feel for you?
Why does my heart feel empty
without you yet I can’t let anyone else fill it for me?
Why do I do the things that
reminds me of you when all I should be doing is forgetting you and moving on?
It takes a lot of pain and
courage to stop myself from talking to you, to stop myself from calling you up,
to make me turn my face around when I see you.
It’s really painful to know that
what I want is wrong, that it will hurt me, break me down to pieces, destroy me
completely yet I want it so desperately, I don’t want to let go, I want to
fight till my last breath. All these just because of the momentary happiness I
get from being with you.
They tell me to move on, to get
over you, to forget you. You who recently occupied a large portion of my life.
But I can’t. Only because of the heat of the moment, the voice that still rings
in my ears, the words still clearly etched in my mind, that smile that made my
day, that touch that sent me flying into the sky. I didn’t see that the sky was
dark, that it would pour heavily, it would
take all down with it and wash it all away
leaving an emptiness lurking it’s way
inside my heart.
I knew it was going to fall apart some day,
yet I desperately tried holding on to it, hoping that maybe it’s all a bad
dream, that it will pass.
I don’t know why I am doing this to myself....
Maybe because sometimes I like
the pain, the pain from remembering you. It has taken the place in my heart
which was left by you. You left, leaving the pain with me, which doesn’t let me
forget you.
I have got used to the emptiness.
I have fallen in love with the pain.....
P.S- This post was written long ago, just made up my mind today to post it :)
