The Other Side of Me- Part 1

“So finally! You are getting married.” Priya gasped, her eyes opened up wide and glittered as she twirled the diamond ring in my finger.

“Yeah”, I nodded at her, smiling.

“That’s a pretty rock”, she grinned, still fingering the ring.

I smiled and looked at him from across the room. He was sitting with Papa and Bhai at the dining table. They seemed to be having a good time, talking, giggling and laughing out loud. Ma was enthusiastically serving her future son-in-law a variety of her patented and neighborly-praise winning pakoras. It seemed to me as if Nitin looked a little out of place, I had always worried whether he would get well with my family. He was a calm and composed, down-to-earth guy. We, on the other hand believed in living life to the fullest. My Dad always said a good laugh and hearty conversations keeps your heart healthy and brain working optimally.  Nitin stole a quick glance at me  and found me staring at him. He smiled. Priya waved back with a big smile on her face. I smiled and turned my head away.

Nitin was the kind of guy every father would want for his daughter.  He was intelligent, hardworking, successful, and yet so calm and down-to-earth. With me, he sometimes behaved like a kid, and sometimes like a protective grown-up. He loved me, but he respected me more. He held my hand gently yet firmly while crossing the road. He said I looked cute when I was angry because tears trickled down my face and that would make my face swell up and become white. Whenever I felt low, he just sat beside me, so close that his arm touched mine and keep staring at me without speaking a word until I rested my head on his shoulder and then he used to hug me really tight. He jumped in joy on my achievements and kept motivating me. On days it rained, he used to come to my apartment with a movie and a big bar of chocolate and we used to curl up on my sofa and just talk. Most importantly he always stayed- through my different mood swings. He stayed when I was happy, sad, angry and even when I told him to get lost and not talk to me. He didn’t talk much, he talked just the right amount. His eyes spoke for him, his eyes spoke a million words. And each time he stared into my eyes, I knew how much he loved me.

They all talked about us, at office. We met three years ago, he was my senior and a really helpful mentor. Within a month of my joining we became friends and soon enough we started dating. There was something dreamy about his eyes. They said it would never last, romantic relationships are never meant for the workplace. There were uncountable bets on us. My colleagues eyed me differently and cruelly, except for the ones that were my friends. They really supported me through these all. And we emerged from it all. We were the perfect, happy couple at work, the kind you only see in television or read in Nicholas Sparks’ novels.

Nitin was the perfect gentleman. My Dad never thought that a guy would be coming to his house to ask his daughter’s hand for marriage. My Dad always hoped his kids would fall in love and only invite him on their marriage. I was my dad’s princess and the perfect prince was standing at his door.

When my brother and I were kids, I remember my Dad telling us to keep our personal life separate from our professional. Don’t take your bedroom to your office and vice versa. He always believed in the fact that a person and his wife should never work at the same place, as workplace differences may cause personal problems. But Nitin proved him wrong. He was a perfect boss at work and a perfect boyfriend outside office. No matter how much the pressure at work would be, he never took it outside office. It was as if he knew some divine mantra to lead a carefree life. He never let our personal and professional relationship mingle up. Yet whenever I had too much work, he used to stay back with me and only go home after we had dinner and he dropped me off to my apartment making sure I have locked the door properly.

And now here we are, three years later, proving all the people at work that they were wrong. Time has changed them also. They have believed in the miracle of love and here they are wishing us all the luck in the world, blessing us to lead a happy married life.

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Priya shook me out of my thoughts. I found her staring and me and smiling.

“You look beautiful.”

“Thank you”, I blushed.

I was wearing the red and green churidar Manish gifted me on my last birthday. He said he saw it on a mannequin on Paree Boutique, which is on his way from home to office, and it strangely reminded him of me. 

He instantly thought I would do more justice to the dress than the lifeless doll would.

“So have you talked to him yet? What did he say?” Priya asked.

“About what?” I  raised my eyebrows as I had no clue what she was talking about.

“You know...” Her eyes were staring directly at mine.

 I knew.

“No” I said got up from the sofa to go to my room. Priya followed me.

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Tough Decisions

...........Sometimes you have no explanations for your actions

The world seemed to stop turning for her. Her first crush, the guy who has been evading her dreams for three years, had finally proposed to her. He was the one she was saving herself for. She was a girl who had the world at her feet. Still she has rejected innumerable proposals even though she knew that he was committed, that he loved her girl a lot and he could never be hers. Still she had kept her hopes high. Somewhere she had read that if you have a crush on someone for more than 4 months, you are definitely in love with that person. She has now been in love for three years. She has realised what she felt for him was something real, something more than just a little teenage fantasy. She could not just stop thinking about him.

The first time she heard his name, a bell rang in her ears. She didn’t know why, it was a pretty common name. As soon as she heard his name being called, she reflexively started shifting her eyes from here and there trying to get a glimpse of him. Then she was in first year of her college. He was a year senior. She didn’t get to see him. She didn’t know why she remembered his name even a few days later.

Second year, she had forgotten that incident, she had forgotten him. But when she received a text message one evening which said she had been assigned a project with him as her direct mentor, her heart skipped a bit. Was it destiny? There was meeting that day where all the second years were supposed to be introduced to the mentors. She was excited. She went there and sat silently, one amongst the timid juniors, her eyes scanning everywhere for him. But he wasn’t there. She didn’t know the names of any senior out there, but she knew that none of them was him, else she would have known. She was upset.

He did come to the meeting, a little late though. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. She was scared of him though, she didn’t know why. Maybe because he seemed too serious, too simple, the no-nonsense type. She didn’t talk to him, but she just couldn’t get him out of her mind. While leaving the meeting room she even turned back to get a glimpse of him. Her feelings were getting stronger, she didn’t know why.

Few months of work and the boundary between them started fading. Any work he got, he used to transfer them to her. Any problems she faced, she used to go to him. The fear she had started shedding off. She started liking his simplicity, his indifference, his carefree-ness. They went past the professional barriers and became friends. He too started relying a lot on her.

She learnt that he had a girl-friend, he loved her a lot. Her dreams and hopes were shattered. She had never let him know about her feelings. She tried dumping her feelings; she tried moving away from him. But she didn’t know why she couldn’t get away.

She met another guy. She got into a relationship with him. She loved him passionately. She decided never to think about her mentor again other than work.

One day, from nowhere he came back, back in her life. All her determination shattered. She just couldn’t let him go. He was in a mess with his relationships and everything else. He tried getting closer to her, she let him. They grew very close to each other. All barriers were broken between them. She let him intrude into her territory. In the mornings, she felt guilty. She hated herself. She was being with two guys at the same time-One with who, she was in a committed relationship, the other who was just a close friend. He had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend- but none of that seemed to matter then.

A few months later, her relationship died. In the meantime he had got closer to his girlfriend. She was sad. But she couldn’t say anything, he was just a friend, whatever was between them didn’t have a name. Whenever she saw him with his girlfriend, she could feel herself turning cold, her heart ached, she couldn’t bear to see him with another girl. She tried staying away from them. But the girl seemed to pop up everywhere. Wherever she went, whatever she did, his girl was everywhere. She was starting to lose it all, She felt as if she was going into a deep dark depression.

In third year, she realised that nothing was worth this pain; she had to get out from it all. Her broken relationship and the indifference of her crush were eating her from inside. She couldn’t ignore either of them, but she realised she had to stay away from both of them. She got herself busy in other obsessions. For all the work related problems she faced, she didn’t go to him; she tried solving them herself.

Few months later she has moved on. She didn’t feel pain in seeing him with his girlfriend, though it did hurt her a little. Things started getting better between them. She was getting to know him better. She realised he wasn’t serious about his girlfriend, he was trying to get closer to her, she was letting him. Sometimes she felt his indifference towards her also. Still she couldn’t love him less.

After the submission of their project paper, he took her to a restaurant where he popped the question. He told her how much she meant, to him, that he has met no one like her. He told her that he could open as frankly before her as his best friend, he couldn't do that before anyone else. Her heart stopped beating; she didn’t know what to reply. This was what she had wanted for three years; this was what she was struggling for. After a long pause, she replied- ‘No, I am sorry.’

As she was returning back that night, she didn’t know why she said that, but she felt a strange calmness surrounding her...