I don’t know why I do this to myself....
Why don’t I feel the same way for someone else as I feel for you?
Why does my heart feel empty without you yet I can’t let anyone else fill it for me?
Why do I do the things that reminds me of you when all I should be doing is forgetting you and moving on?
It takes a lot of pain and courage to stop myself from talking to you, to stop myself from calling you up, to make me turn my face around when I see you.
It’s really painful to know that what I want is wrong, that it will hurt me, break me down to pieces, destroy me completely yet I want it so desperately, I don’t want to let go, I want to fight till my last breath. All these just because of the momentary happiness I get from being with you.
They tell me to move on, to get over you, to forget you. You who recently occupied a large portion of my life. But I can’t. Only because of the heat of the moment, the voice that still rings in my ears, the words still clearly etched in my mind, that smile that made my day, that touch that sent me flying into the sky. I didn’t see that the sky was dark, that it would pour heavily, it would take all down with it and wash it all away leaving an emptiness lurking it’s way inside my heart.
I knew it was going to fall apart some day, yet I desperately tried holding on to it, hoping that maybe it’s all a bad dream, that it will pass.
I don’t know why I am doing this to myself....
Maybe because sometimes I like the pain, the pain from remembering you. It has taken the place in my heart which was left by you. You left, leaving the pain with me, which doesn’t let me forget you.
I have got used to the emptiness. I have fallen in love with the pain.....
P.S- This post was written long ago, just made up my mind today to post it :)